Normally I wouldn't suggest Outsourcing. But in your case, I'll make an exception.

I think outsourcing is one of the evils destroying our country. For every 3 employees in a third world country, that's probably equivalent to one American on unemployment. And I have such a hard time understanding broken English from thousands of miles away. And I'm really bothered when I'm told I'm speaking with Ronald or Ted, but I'm pretty sure it's Sanjit Rajneeshijad. So I'm not a fan of outsourcing.

However, Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America, in your case I'll make an exception. Nothing would make me happier than knowing a bunch of the red blooded Americans who currently answer the phone when I call you for help are filing for unemployment. Because then, perhaps, they'll be a little more motivated to actually work for their wage. So far, I'm not seeing a whole lot of work going on. I'm seeing a lot of stalling, I'm not getting any of my phone calls returned, I've been waiting for 3 weeks for Jennifer Saunders in fraud to call me back. What's up with that?

Anyway, I think you'd be justified in outsourcing the entire organization to India or Taiwan, because then you'd save enough money to start paying back the 25 BILLION dollars in TARP funds - funds that were made possible by people like me who pay taxes. Funds that were supposed to help stop, not continue the madness.

Maybe if you outsourced you wouldn't have to charge your customers $8.95 a month for a checking account. By the way, Brian, my mother-in-law closed her accounts at Bank of America and took her money to US Bank after she was treated very poorly at her local banking center. But somehow, someone failed to actually close the account. So your wonderful, well-run institution began charging her, and then sent her to a collections agency to try to recoup those charges. Come on, you gotta admit, that's pretty lame.

I am deeply disappointed in the way your employees are handling your business. I understand you want to make a profit. But it shouldn't be made by cheating little old ladies, signing documents that destroy other people's lives without reading them through, or not finishing tasks, dropping the ball, not returning phone calls, and basic procrastination. It really makes you guys look bad.

So I say get rid of the whole bunch and outsource.

Actually, outsourcing to another country, while it would save you money, isn't my recommendation. I've got a plan that would allow you to not only improve customer service, but also get you some major PR Bonus Points! Yes, you still fire them all, but instead of going overseas, replace them with out of work Americans who have just lost their homes to foreclosure. Americans whose homes were taken from them when your employees signed off but failed to read the documents. Americans who lost everything because when they called your customer service call center to try to fix the problem, they ended up reaching someone who has no clue how to handle the phone call. Someone who has no idea how to help them. Or someone who has no intention to help them. Or perhaps they were finally routed to the correct department, but nobody answered the phone. That's happened a zillion times to me. So they left a message, and never got a call back. Brian, get rid of these people who don't take customer service seriously. IT MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.

Brian, if you're not convinced that Bank of America's customer service needs a serious overhaul, just try calling your own 800# to try to fix a problem. Note how horrid your on hold music is, and then see if 15 minutes later you're not ready to strangle a bunny.

OK, go take a break, wipe your brow, think about what I've said and let's meet back here after lunch so we can talk about communication.