Calling Brian Moynihan! I've got a degree in Communication, so let me show you how.

Hi Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America! It's been a few days. I meant to get back to you earlier, but I've been kind of busy, communicating. Not with your people, of course. It's been a long time since anyone in your organization has actually returned a phone call. Communication is my business. I've got a degree in it. So, I figured perhaps once again, I could offer my expertise in that area to help you understand what went horribly wrong with Bank of America.

Brian, good communication is a great, necessary foundation for a long lasting relationship.

This is not new news to you, I'm sure. Since you and Susan have been married successfully long enough to have 3 children together, you must have pretty good communication skills when it's important to you. And as the captain of your rugby team at Brown you probably had to learn to communicate well with your teammates. So this is not a new concept to you.

But it seems to be for the 100,000+ employees under your charge.

This is going to be a tough one for you, but you're going to have to start demanding that your employees communicate with your clients. It'll be one month this Wednesday since my last conversation with Jennifer Saunders in fraud. I've called her numerous times and faxed her since then, but communicating with me doesn't seem to be a high priority for her. I'm also still waiting for a reinstatement quote that I was promised 3 weeks ago from Dionne Williams. These are just the most recent examples of a lack of follow through and communication with your people. And remember Brian, I'm actually trying to GIVE YOU MONEY to reinstate my mother-in-law's mortgage. Right now we're just sitting in limbo, waiting for you people to get your act together. So get crackin', buddy. Get it together. Instead of wasting all your time in conference calls defending the poor reading skills of the people you hired to sign foreclosure documents, start demanding that your employees quit filing their nails and playing playing online solitaire and start calling clients back so that work can get done.

Don't go thinking it's just me that's not being communicated with, Brian. I am hearing over and over again these same lack of communication stories about Bank of America from other clients and former clients. These are people who are trying to complete various tasks with your organization, and are getting nowhere because your people don't have the tools to help them. When you've got an organization as large as yours, you need to give them tools. You need to educate them. Give them a playbook or something. Try communicating with your own employees so that they can, in turn, start communicating effectively with the people you're not serving, who are going to cut their ties with you as fast as they can and go to a smaller bank who's head can see its tail, and understands the value of returning a phone call.