Calling Brian Moynihan! I've got a degree in Communication, so let me show you how.

Hi Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America! It's been a few days. I meant to get back to you earlier, but I've been kind of busy, communicating. Not with your people, of course. It's been a long time since anyone in your organization has actually returned a phone call. Communication is my business. I've got a degree in it. So, I figured perhaps once again, I could offer my expertise in that area to help you understand what went horribly wrong with Bank of America.

Brian, good communication is a great, necessary foundation for a long lasting relationship.

This is not new news to you, I'm sure. Since you and Susan have been married successfully long enough to have 3 children together, you must have pretty good communication skills when it's important to you. And as the captain of your rugby team at Brown you probably had to learn to communicate well with your teammates. So this is not a new concept to you.

But it seems to be for the 100,000+ employees under your charge.

This is going to be a tough one for you, but you're going to have to start demanding that your employees communicate with your clients. It'll be one month this Wednesday since my last conversation with Jennifer Saunders in fraud. I've called her numerous times and faxed her since then, but communicating with me doesn't seem to be a high priority for her. I'm also still waiting for a reinstatement quote that I was promised 3 weeks ago from Dionne Williams. These are just the most recent examples of a lack of follow through and communication with your people. And remember Brian, I'm actually trying to GIVE YOU MONEY to reinstate my mother-in-law's mortgage. Right now we're just sitting in limbo, waiting for you people to get your act together. So get crackin', buddy. Get it together. Instead of wasting all your time in conference calls defending the poor reading skills of the people you hired to sign foreclosure documents, start demanding that your employees quit filing their nails and playing playing online solitaire and start calling clients back so that work can get done.

Don't go thinking it's just me that's not being communicated with, Brian. I am hearing over and over again these same lack of communication stories about Bank of America from other clients and former clients. These are people who are trying to complete various tasks with your organization, and are getting nowhere because your people don't have the tools to help them. When you've got an organization as large as yours, you need to give them tools. You need to educate them. Give them a playbook or something. Try communicating with your own employees so that they can, in turn, start communicating effectively with the people you're not serving, who are going to cut their ties with you as fast as they can and go to a smaller bank who's head can see its tail, and understands the value of returning a phone call.

Meanwhile, Fannie Mae got busy!

Fannie Mae headquarters. Niiiice.
Hey, if all our efforts to reinstate my mother-in-law's mortgage with BofA fall through, can she move in with you?

In earlier posts, I've talked about Bank of America's apparent inability to do anything. That's how they roll. Fannie Mae's not like that. They get busy!
When the aforementioned game of Hot Potato dumped me into Fannie Mae's lap, they refused to deal with me until I got a bunch of paperwork filled out, emailed, and then waited 2 days for it to be processed.

While I was waiting for the 48 hours to pass, Fannie Mae didn't waste any time, and contracted with an asset management company called Green River, who in turn contracted with a very unfortunate real estate agent in Coos Bay, who showed up on my mother-in-law's house to evict her.
Poor gal, they told her the house was vacant. Poor gal, she wasn't quite prepared for the yelling and screaming and wailing that came from my mother-in-law, or her renters (an 85 year old on oxygen in a wheelchair and her sweetheart) next door who were also being victimized in this tragedy.

She practically threw her card at Margaret, and skedaddled out of there. Later, when I called this poor gal, she told me that she felt awful about this part of her job, and never wanted to go back to that house ever again, didn't want to be involved in inflicting that kind of stress and torture on people. I don't blame her. It's like having blood on your hands, and who wants that?

Hot Potato!

How perfectly this image (Thanks Harper-Collins) portrays Bank of America trying to wiggle out of dealing with improper foreclosures by playing Hot Potato with desperate clients!

I was just reminiscing on one of my first phone calls to Bank of America back in June after my mother-in-law's home was foreclosed on, auctioned on the courthouse steps in Coquille (nobody was interested) and the property was dumped back into the hands of the investor, Fannie Mae.
It resulted in my first game of Bank of America  Hot Potato!

I spoke to Terrance. (I'm on a first name basis with so many BofA employees!!!) Terrance told me that if Margaret wanted her home back, she'd have to pay back the entire $58K loan along with fees & interest.  Then he told me I needed to talk to "The lawyers at ReConTrust." I remembered that name...it was a logo on some of two foot fall stack of stuff I brought back home with me after visiting Margaret and realizing her home had been foreclosed on. That didn't make a lot of sense to me, calling ReConTrust, since they had already accomplished the task they were contracted to do. When I told him this Terrance thought perhaps he should get an upper level manager on the line to give him some advice.
I don't know if Terrance ever got ahold of a higher-up, but he put me on hold for 20 minutes while I became aquainted with BofA's on-hold music. When he returned, he reiterated that I needed to speak to the lawyers. He gave me their number. So I called.
I realized pretty quickly that I'd been passed on from one peon call center employee to another.
I didn't have to say it. The ReCon Trust employee said to me almost right off the bat, "I bet Bank of America told you that you'd be speaking to a lawyer, right? We're not lawyers. I don't know why they say that, but that's what they're telling people." Then he went on. "And I bet they told you that you needed to speak to us about buying the house back. But that's not true either." And he gave me the name of another foreclosure technician at Bank of America and told me to call them back.
And so the runaround began.
That day I spoke with Linda, who passed me to Rachel in home retention.
Rachel passed me on to Alan in REO.
Alan told me to call Fannie Mae.
And that's where the game of Hot Potato ended on that day, because Fannie Mae told me they wouldn't even begin to speak to me until after I filled out the proper consent forms, emailed them and waited at least 48 hours.

Normally I wouldn't suggest Outsourcing. But in your case, I'll make an exception.

I think outsourcing is one of the evils destroying our country. For every 3 employees in a third world country, that's probably equivalent to one American on unemployment. And I have such a hard time understanding broken English from thousands of miles away. And I'm really bothered when I'm told I'm speaking with Ronald or Ted, but I'm pretty sure it's Sanjit Rajneeshijad. So I'm not a fan of outsourcing.

However, Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America, in your case I'll make an exception. Nothing would make me happier than knowing a bunch of the red blooded Americans who currently answer the phone when I call you for help are filing for unemployment. Because then, perhaps, they'll be a little more motivated to actually work for their wage. So far, I'm not seeing a whole lot of work going on. I'm seeing a lot of stalling, I'm not getting any of my phone calls returned, I've been waiting for 3 weeks for Jennifer Saunders in fraud to call me back. What's up with that?

Anyway, I think you'd be justified in outsourcing the entire organization to India or Taiwan, because then you'd save enough money to start paying back the 25 BILLION dollars in TARP funds - funds that were made possible by people like me who pay taxes. Funds that were supposed to help stop, not continue the madness.

Maybe if you outsourced you wouldn't have to charge your customers $8.95 a month for a checking account. By the way, Brian, my mother-in-law closed her accounts at Bank of America and took her money to US Bank after she was treated very poorly at her local banking center. But somehow, someone failed to actually close the account. So your wonderful, well-run institution began charging her, and then sent her to a collections agency to try to recoup those charges. Come on, you gotta admit, that's pretty lame.

I am deeply disappointed in the way your employees are handling your business. I understand you want to make a profit. But it shouldn't be made by cheating little old ladies, signing documents that destroy other people's lives without reading them through, or not finishing tasks, dropping the ball, not returning phone calls, and basic procrastination. It really makes you guys look bad.

So I say get rid of the whole bunch and outsource.

Actually, outsourcing to another country, while it would save you money, isn't my recommendation. I've got a plan that would allow you to not only improve customer service, but also get you some major PR Bonus Points! Yes, you still fire them all, but instead of going overseas, replace them with out of work Americans who have just lost their homes to foreclosure. Americans whose homes were taken from them when your employees signed off but failed to read the documents. Americans who lost everything because when they called your customer service call center to try to fix the problem, they ended up reaching someone who has no clue how to handle the phone call. Someone who has no idea how to help them. Or someone who has no intention to help them. Or perhaps they were finally routed to the correct department, but nobody answered the phone. That's happened a zillion times to me. So they left a message, and never got a call back. Brian, get rid of these people who don't take customer service seriously. IT MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.

Brian, if you're not convinced that Bank of America's customer service needs a serious overhaul, just try calling your own 800# to try to fix a problem. Note how horrid your on hold music is, and then see if 15 minutes later you're not ready to strangle a bunny.

OK, go take a break, wipe your brow, think about what I've said and let's meet back here after lunch so we can talk about communication.

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan, I heard the bad news

Brian Moynihan. Learn more about him. He's from Ohio!

Dear Brian,

I am so sorry.

I just found out today that you got suckered into the job as CEO of Bank of America last fall. Eeeuw.

That must really suck. You've got a lot of fires to put out right now.
But Brian, I'm here to help.
I've become quite familiar with about 100 of your employees over the past 4 months as I've tried to relentlessly (and so far unsuccessfully) resolve my mother-in-law's financial difficulties tied to Bank of America. I've called so many times, that I've actually spoken to some of your 100,000+ employees more than once! I'm on a first name basis with Kimberly, DeMonde, Jennifer, Chris and Dionne, and let's not forget Lisa.

But enough name dropping!

Since I consider myself kind of an expert with BofA's customer service call center (I find myself humming your on-hold music in the shower), I guess I'd like to offer my services as a consultant. Really, I want to help you shape up your company's act. Because you really, really need it. So Brian, roll up your shirtsleeves, and let's get down to business.

So Brian Moyhihan, why don't you go get us some coffee (make mine a non-fat double latte), and we'll meet back here in a few, roll up our shirtsleeves, and get down to the business of solving some problems with Bank of America. Because once we solve some of your problems, we might be able to finally get around to solving MY problems with Bank of America.

How Bank of America screwed a little old lady on life support

Allow me to introduce you to Margaret. She hasn't had an easy life, but she's a survivor.
I hope she survives what Bank of America has done to her.

Margaret survived falling out of a tree as a child, which left her with a permanent speech impediment making her sound like she's from the deep south.
She survived being repeatedly beaten by the father of her 3 children, and severely mistreated by most of the men in her life.
Margaret lives a simple life. She's only got a 5th grade education, and she can't read too well. Never owned a computer, never owned a debit card. She's got a rattletrap old car to get around. But nobody bakes bread the way this woman can, and her potato salad is da bomb. So she cooks for other people. Well into her 70's, Margaret still holds a part time job taking care of other senior citizens to supplement her social security. And she needs it, living pretty much month to month.
She lives in a dilapidated old house in Coos Bay, Oregon that her father left her, but she had to take out a small mortgage on the homestead a few years ago to pay for some badly needed repairs.
Last year, somebody stole Margaret's identity. We don't know how it happened. But what we do know is that after someone drained Margaret's checking account, that while Bank of America had been notified of the fraud, it dropped the ball after only partially investigating the fraud. Not only was Margaret's life savings not returned, not only was her credit rating destroyed, Bank of America stole her home as well, foreclosing on it when she missed one payment after the fraudsters stole everything and Bank of America failed to put it back.

OK, I'm exaggerating a little bit.
It would be utterly and completely ridiculous if Bank of America were to foreclose on someone's home for just one missed payment, right? Well, the rest of the story is just as ridiculous, but here it is:

Margaret kept paying her payments every month, but was still a month behind. She was living month to month now, under a great deal of stress after having everything stolen from her. Eventually, that fall, it wore her out. She came down with double pneumonia in October. She thought she had the swine flu, and stayed home. When she started to turn blue, her brother found her and got someone to take her to the hospital, where she was immediately induced into a coma and put on life support. She stayed there for 2 weeks. They thought she was going to die. But she didn't. She's a fighter. Instead, she was put into a nursing home for awhile. She lost 20 pounds and her dentures didn't fit. She couldn't walk. Couldn't talk. But she lived.
When she was finally sent home, she still couldn't really walk, and she was frail and sickly for another several months. But finally, in May, she went back to work after 6 months on the injured/reserved list. And now, 6 months more down the road, she's back to her old feisty self.

Except for one thing. While she was in the hospital, Bank of America began foreclosing on her home. I gotta say, while it's heartless and cruel to steal someone's home while they're on life support, it's not necessarily illegal. It's just not nice. I understand that. But it is illegal for Bank of America to foreclose on someone's home when that homeowner purchased disability insurance that is supposed to make any missed payments during a time of disability due to illness. And that is exactly what happened. And I am just having a heck of a time getting Bank of America to agree with me.

You'd think that once Bank of America was notified that Margaret had disability insurance on her mortgage, that someone at the bank would have worked overtime to immediately rectify the situation. But no. That's not how it's gone down. It's been 4 months today since I made that first phone call to Bank of America, and she still doesn't have her house back. 

When Margaret was finally able to walk and talk again, and take the armload of threatening foreclosure documents Bank of America had erroneously sent to the house next door while she was in the hospital down to her local banking center, she discovered the banking center had shuttered its doors. They were gone.

She started calling the 800 numbers on the paperwork. She was told by some nameless faceless call center employee that her only recourse was to get a loan modification. What about the disability insurance? The people who were telling her she needed to get a loan modification didn't know nuthin' bout no disability insurance. They just had a specific job, which was to either modify Margaret's loan, or foreclose on her home. Did anybody transfer her to the right department at Bank of America so she could get the disability insurance policy to pay? Nope.  Why would they do that when they were so close to taking her home? I'm going to just throw out an idea here....I think Bank of America never bothered to look at her mortgage documents. Just a thought. They just saw her payments hadn't been made, and signed the foreclosure papers. Maybe when she told the bank reps that she had disability insurance, they couldn't understand her. And then again, maybe one department doesn't speak to the other, and they have no idea how to help her.

When I found out about Margaret's situation several months later, I was told by some very unpleasant employees at the North Bend, Oregon branch of Bank of America that Margaret had no such disability insurance. But Margaret swore she did. So I didn't give up. I called the national Bank of America mortgage number. I was told by a very sweet woman from Texas that she didn't see any evidence of any disability insurance either. Finally, as the first eviction sticker was being smacked onto Margaret's front door, I walked into my own Bank of America in California, and asked how in the heck I might get a copy of a mortgage disability insurance policy. And the next day, I had a copy of it in my inbox. Proof.

At that point, I thought it was going be so easy to unravel this improper, illegal foreclosure. But I was wrong.

Bank of America, it's time we had a talk.

Bank of America, let's talk.

Seriously.

Why won't you return my calls?

I have logged over 100 phone calls to your gigantic organization, rarely reaching the same person twice, in the past 4 months. Since the day after you illegally foreclosed on my mother-in-law's home.

I've tried to be nice. I've tried to give you opportunity time and time again to do the right thing and just reinstate the mortgage. And yet you have screwed up every step of the way, and here we are, still going round and round.

You know what I feel like? I feel like the ex-girlfriend that you're blowing off, hoping she'll just go away. But instead, she's driven to stalker-like behavior in order to get your attention.

Every time I call, I go through an automated system of number punching for ten minutes, and then put on hold listening to the same hellish elevator music for another ten minutes, so that I'm almost over the edge anyway by the time I get a real human on the phone.

Whoever the human is, it's a different one every time, and I end up having to tell my story. It doesn't matter if they're sympathetic or completely heartless and rude, they don't have any authority to do anything. When I asked to be passed on to you, the person in charge who can make decisions....the person who can wave the magic wand and make this horrific mess go away in an instant, I'm told someone will get back to me. And nobody ever does. In fact, it's been more than 3 weeks since ya'all told me you'd get back to me, since you said you'd write. Since you said you'd call. But you never did.

Bank of America, I'm beginning to think maybe you don't like me.

Like you're trying to tell me it's over, but don't have the guts to actually say it. Because you're afraid there's a chance I might hire a goon to come after you. So instead, you're ignoring me, getting other people to take my calls and tell me you'll call me back, but you don't really intend to.

Bank of America, I do think it's time to call it quits between us.

But you're not getting my mother-in-law's house.

I promise you that.

Because you know what I have on my side?

Honor. Truth. And a great story that will play out so horribly for you in the newspapers and in the courtroom.

I ask you... is there anyone reading this right now, even without knowing the whole completely fantastic story, that has a shred of sympathy for the largest bank in the country, which was bailed out by my tax dollars, and now can't return a phone call or follow through on a simple promised task? Is there anyone who has sympathy for the Goliath that foreclosed on a little old lady's house when she was in the hospital on life support?

If there's even one small blood cell in your body that is tempted to bleed for Bank of America, read on, friend. And pass it on.